'Call Elizabeth Cluppins,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, rising aminute afterwards, with renewed vigour.

The nearest usher called for Elizabeth Tuppins; another one,at a little distance off, demanded Elizabeth Jupkins; and a thirdrushed in a breathless state into King Street, and screamed forElizabeth Muffins till he was hoarse.

Meanwhile Mrs. Cluppins, with the combined assistance ofMrs. Bardell, Mrs. Sanders, Mr. Dodson, and Mr. Fogg, washoisted into the witness-box; and when she was safely perchedon the top step, Mrs. Bardell stood on the bottom one, with thepocket-handkerchief and pattens in one hand, and a glass bottlethat might hold about a quarter of a pint of smelling-salts in theother, ready for any emergency. Mrs. Sanders, whose eyes wereintently fixed on the judge's face, planted herself close by, withthe large umbrella, keeping her right thumb pressed on the springwith an earnest countenance, as if she were fully prepared to putit up at a moment's notice.

'Mrs. Cluppins,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, 'pray compose yourself,ma'am.' Of course, directly Mrs. Cluppins was desired to composeherself, she sobbed with increased vehemence, and gavedivers alarming manifestations of an approaching fainting fit,or, as she afterwards said, of her feelings being too many for her.

'Do you recollect, Mrs. Cluppins,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, aftera few unimportant questions--'do you recollect being in Mrs.Bardell's back one pair of stairs, on one particular morning inJuly last, when she was dusting Pickwick's apartment?'

'Yes, my Lord and jury, I do,' replied Mrs. Cluppins.

'Mr. Pickwick's sitting-room was the first-floor front, I believe?'

'Yes, it were, Sir,' replied Mrs. Cluppins.

'What were you doing in the back room, ma'am?' inquired thelittle judge.

'My Lord and jury,' said Mrs. Cluppins, with interestingagitation, 'I will not deceive you.'

'You had better not, ma'am,' said the little judge.

'I was there,' resumed Mrs. Cluppins, 'unbeknown to Mrs.Bardell; I had been out with a little basket, gentlemen, to buythree pound of red kidney pertaties, which was three poundtuppence ha'penny, when I see Mrs. Bardell's street door on the jar.'

'On the what?' exclaimed the little judge.

'Partly open, my Lord,' said Serjeant Snubbin.

'She said on the jar,' said the little judge, with a cunning look.

'It's all the same, my Lord,' said Serjeant Snubbin. The littlejudge looked doubtful, and said he'd make a note of it. Mrs.Cluppins then resumed--

'I walked in, gentlemen, just to say good-mornin', and went, ina permiscuous manner, upstairs, and into the back room. Gentlemen,there was the sound of voices in the front room, and--'

'And you listened, I believe, Mrs. Cluppins?' said Serjeant Buzfuz.

'Beggin' your pardon, Sir,' replied Mrs. Cluppins, in a majesticmanner, 'I would scorn the haction. The voices was very loud,Sir, and forced themselves upon my ear,'

'Well, Mrs. Cluppins, you were not listening, but you heardthe voices. Was one of those voices Pickwick's?'

'Yes, it were, Sir.'And Mrs. Cluppins, after distinctly stating that Mr. Pickwickaddressed himself to Mrs. Bardell, repeated by slow degrees, andby dint of many questions, the conversation with which ourreaders are already acquainted.

The jury looked suspicious, and Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz smiledas he sat down. They looked positively awful when SerjeantSnubbin intimated that he should not cross-examine the witness,for Mr. Pickwick wished it to be distinctly stated that it was dueto her to say, that her account was in substance correct.

Mrs. Cluppins having once broken the ice, thought it afavourable opportunity for entering into a short dissertation onher own domestic affairs; so she straightway proceeded to informthe court that she was the mother of eight children at that presentspeaking, and that she entertained confident expectations ofpresenting Mr. Cluppins with a ninth, somewhere about that daysix months. At this interesting point, the little judge interposedmost irascibly; and the effect of the interposition was, that boththe worthy lady and Mrs. Sanders were politely taken out ofcourt, under the escort of Mr. Jackson, without further parley.

'Nathaniel Winkle!' said Mr. Skimpin.

'Here!' replied a feeble voice. Mr. Winkle entered the witness-box, and having been duly sworn, bowed to the judge withconsiderable deference.

'Don't look at me, Sir,' said the judge sharply, in acknowledgmentof the salute; 'look at the jury.'

Mr. Winkle obeyed the mandate, and looked at the placewhere he thought it most probable the jury might be; for seeinganything in his then state of intellectual complication was whollyout of the question.

Mr. Winkle was then examined by Mr. Skimpin, who, beinga promising young man of two or three-and-forty, was of courseanxious to confuse a witness who was notoriously predisposed infavour of the other side, as much as he could.

'Now, Sir,' said Mr. Skimpin, 'have the goodness to let hisLordship know what your name is, will you?' and Mr. Skimpininclined his head on one side to listen with great sharpness to theanswer, and glanced at the jury meanwhile, as if to imply that herather expected Mr. Winkle's natural taste for perjury wouldinduce him to give some name which did not belong to him.

'Winkle,' replied the witness.

'What's your Christian name, Sir?' angrily inquired the little judge.

'Nathaniel, Sir.'

'Daniel--any other name?'

'Nathaniel, sir--my Lord, I mean.'

'Nathaniel Daniel, or Daniel Nathaniel?'

'No, my Lord, only Nathaniel--not Daniel at all.'

'What did you tell me it was Daniel for, then, sir?' inquired the judge.

'I didn't, my Lord,' replied Mr. Winkle.

'You did, Sir,' replied the judge, with a severe frown. 'Howcould I have got Daniel on my notes, unless you told me so, Sir?'This argument was, of course, unanswerable.

'Mr. Winkle has rather a short memory, my Lord,' interposedMr. Skimpin, with another glance at the jury. 'We shall findmeans to refresh it before we have quite done with him, I dare say.'

'You had better be careful, Sir,' said the little judge, with asinister look at the witness.

Poor Mr. Winkle bowed, and endeavoured to feign an easinessof manner, which, in his then state of confusion, gave him ratherthe air of a disconcerted pickpocket.

'Now, Mr. Winkle,' said Mr. Skimpin, 'attend to me, if youplease, Sir; and let me recommend you, for your own sake, tobear in mind his Lordship's injunctions to be careful. I believeyou are a particular friend of Mr. Pickwick, the defendant, areyou not?'

'I have known Mr. Pickwick now, as well as I recollect at thismoment, nearly--'

'Pray, Mr. Winkle, do not evade the question. Are you, or areyou not, a particular friend of the defendant's?'

'I was just about to say, that--'

'Will you, or will you not, answer my question, Sir?''If you don't answer the question, you'll be committed, Sir,'interposed the little judge, looking over his note-book.

'Come, Sir,' said Mr. Skimpin, 'yes or no, if you please.'

'Yes, I am,' replied Mr. Winkle.

'Yes, you are. And why couldn't you say that at once, Sir?Perhaps you know the plaintiff too? Eh, Mr. Winkle?'

'I don't know her; I've seen her.'

'Oh, you don't know her, but you've seen her? Now, have thegoodness to tell the gentlemen of the jury what you mean by that,Mr. Winkle.'

'I mean that I am not intimate with her, but I have seen herwhen I went to call on Mr. Pickwick, in Goswell Street.'

'How often have you seen her, Sir?'

'How often?'

'Yes, Mr. Winkle, how often? I'll repeat the question for youa dozen times, if you require it, Sir.' And the learned gentleman,with a firm and steady frown, placed his hands on his hips, andsmiled suspiciously to the jury.

On this question there arose the edifying brow-beating,customary on such points. First of all, Mr. Winkle said it wasquite impossible for him to say how many times he had seenMrs. Bardell. Then he was asked if he had seen her twenty times,to which he replied, 'Certainly--more than that.' Then he wasasked whether he hadn't seen her a hundred times--whether hecouldn't swear that he had seen her more than fifty times--whether he didn't know that he had seen her at least seventy-fivetimes, and so forth; the satisfactory conclusion which was arrivedat, at last, being, that he had better take care of himself, andmind what he was about. The witness having been by thesemeans reduced to the requisite ebb of nervous perplexity, theexamination was continued as follows--

'Pray, Mr. Winkle, do you remember calling on the defendantPickwick at these apartments in the plaintiff's house in GoswellStreet, on one particular morning, in the month of July last?'

'Yes, I do.'

'Were you accompanied on that occasion by a friend of thename of Tupman, and another by the name of Snodgrass?'

'Yes, I was.'

'Are they here?''Yes, they are,' replied Mr. Winkle, looking very earnestlytowards the spot where his friends were stationed.

'Pray attend to me, Mr. Winkle, and never mind your friends,'said Mr. Skimpin, with another expressive look at the jury.'They must tell their stories without any previous consultationwith you, if none has yet taken place (another look at the jury).Now, Sir, tell the gentlemen of the jury what you saw on enteringthe defendant's room, on this particular morning. Come; outwith it, Sir; we must have it, sooner or later.'

'The defendant, Mr. Pickwick, was holding the plaintiff in hisarms, with his hands clasping her waist,' replied Mr. Winkle withnatural hesitation, 'and the plaintiff appeared to have fainted away.'

'Did you hear the defendant say anything?'

'I heard him call Mrs. Bardell a good creature, and I heard himask her to compose herself, for what a situation it was, if anybodyshould come, or words to that effect.'

'Now, Mr. Winkle, I have only one more question to ask you,and I beg you to bear in mind his Lordship's caution. Will youundertake to swear that Pickwick, the defendant, did not say onthe occasion in question--"My dear Mrs. Bardell, you're a goodcreature; compose yourself to this situation, for to this situationyou must come," or words to that effect?'

'I--I didn't understand him so, certainly,' said Mr. Winkle,astounded on this ingenious dove-tailing of the few words he hadheard. 'I was on the staircase, and couldn't hear distinctly; theimpression on my mind is--'

'The gentlemen of the jury want none of the impressions onyour mind, Mr. Winkle, which I fear would be of little service tohonest, straightforward men,' interposed Mr. Skimpin. 'Youwere on the staircase, and didn't distinctly hear; but you will notswear that Pickwick did not make use of the expressions I havequoted? Do I understand that?'

'No, I will not,' replied Mr. Winkle; and down sat Mr.Skimpin with a triumphant countenance.

Mr. Pickwick's case had not gone off in so particularly happya manner, up to this point, that it could very well afford to haveany additional suspicion cast upon it. But as it could afford tobe placed in a rather better light, if possible, Mr. Phunky rose forthe purpose of getting something important out of Mr. Winkle incross-examination. Whether he did get anything important outof him, will immediately appear.

'I believe, Mr. Winkle,' said Mr. Phunky, 'that Mr. Pickwickis not a young man?'

'Oh, no,' replied Mr. Winkle; 'old enough to be my father.'

'You have told my learned friend that you have known Mr.Pickwick a long time. Had you ever any reason to suppose orbelieve that he was about to be married?'

'Oh, no; certainly not;' replied Mr. Winkle with so mucheagerness, that Mr. Phunky ought to have got him out of the boxwith all possible dispatch. Lawyers hold that there are two kindsof particularly bad witnesses--a reluctant witness, and a too-willingwitness; it was Mr. Winkle's fate to figure in both characters.

'I will even go further than this, Mr. Winkle,' continuedMr. Phunky, in a most smooth and complacent manner. 'Didyou ever see anything in Mr. Pickwick's manner and conducttowards the opposite sex, to induce you to believe that he evercontemplated matrimony of late years, in any case?'

'Oh, no; certainly not,' replied Mr. Winkle.

'Has his behaviour, when females have been in the case, alwaysbeen that of a man, who, having attained a pretty advanced periodof life, content with his own occupations and amusements,treats them only as a father might his daughters?'

'Not the least doubt of it,' replied Mr. Winkle, in the fulness ofhis heart. 'That is--yes--oh, yes--certainly.'

'You have never known anything in his behaviour towardsMrs. Bardell, or any other female, in the least degree suspicious?'said Mr. Phunky, preparing to sit down; for Serjeant Snubbinwas winking at him.

'N-n-no,' replied Mr. Winkle, 'except on one triflingoccasion, which, I have no doubt, might be easily explained.'

Now, if the unfortunate Mr. Phunky had sat down whenSerjeant Snubbin had winked at him, or if Serjeant Buzfuz hadstopped this irregular cross-examination at the outset (which heknew better than to do; observing Mr. Winkle's anxiety, andwell knowing it would, in all probability, lead to somethingserviceable to him), this unfortunate admission would not havebeen elicited. The moment the words fell from Mr. Winkle's lips,Mr. Phunky sat down, and Serjeant Snubbin rather hastilytold him he might leave the box, which Mr. Winkle preparedto do with great readiness, when Serjeant Buzfuz stopped him.

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 229931 times

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