'Stay, Mr. Winkle, stay!' said Serjeant Buzfuz, 'will yourLordship have the goodness to ask him, what this one instance ofsuspicious behaviour towards females on the part of this gentleman,who is old enough to be his father, was?'

'You hear what the learned counsel says, Sir,' observed thejudge, turning to the miserable and agonised Mr. Winkle.'Describe the occasion to which you refer.'

'My Lord,' said Mr. Winkle, trembling with anxiety, 'I--I'drather not.'

'Perhaps so,' said the little judge; 'but you must.'

Amid the profound silence of the whole court, Mr. Winklefaltered out, that the trifling circumstance of suspicion was Mr.Pickwick's being found in a lady's sleeping-apartment at midnight;which had terminated, he believed, in the breaking off ofthe projected marriage of the lady in question, and had led, heknew, to the whole party being forcibly carried before GeorgeNupkins, Esq., magistrate and justice of the peace, for theborough of Ipswich!

'You may leave the box, Sir,' said Serjeant Snubbin. Mr.Winkle did leave the box, and rushed with delirious haste to theGeorge and Vulture, where he was discovered some hours after,by the waiter, groaning in a hollow and dismal manner, with hishead buried beneath the sofa cushions.

Tracy Tupman, and Augustus Snodgrass, were severally calledinto the box; both corroborated the testimony of their unhappyfriend; and each was driven to the verge of desperation byexcessive badgering.Susannah Sanders was then called, and examined by SerjeantBuzfuz, and cross-examined by Serjeant Snubbin. Had alwayssaid and believed that Pickwick would marry Mrs. Bardell; knewthat Mrs. Bardell's being engaged to Pickwick was the currenttopic of conversation in the neighbourhood, after the fainting inJuly; had been told it herself by Mrs. Mudberry which kept amangle, and Mrs. Bunkin which clear-starched, but did not seeeither Mrs. Mudberry or Mrs. Bunkin in court. Had heardPickwick ask the little boy how he should like to have anotherfather. Did not know that Mrs. Bardell was at that time keepingcompany with the baker, but did know that the baker was then asingle man and is now married. Couldn't swear that Mrs.Bardell was not very fond of the baker, but should think that thebaker was not very fond of Mrs. Bardell, or he wouldn't havemarried somebody else. Thought Mrs. Bardell fainted away onthe morning in July, because Pickwick asked her to name the day:knew that she (witness) fainted away stone dead when Mr.Sanders asked her to name the day, and believed that everybody ascalled herself a lady would do the same, under similar circumstances.Heard Pickwick ask the boy the question about the marbles, but uponher oath did not know the difference between an 'alley tor'and a 'commoney.'

By the COURT.--During the period of her keeping companywith Mr. Sanders, had received love letters, like other ladies. Inthe course of their correspondence Mr. Sanders had often calledher a 'duck,' but never 'chops,' nor yet 'tomato sauce.' He wasparticularly fond of ducks. Perhaps if he had been as fond ofchops and tomato sauce, he might have called her that, as aterm of affection.

Serjeant Buzfuz now rose with more importance than he hadyet exhibited, if that were possible, and vociferated; 'Call SamuelWeller.'

It was quite unnecessary to call Samuel Weller; for SamuelWeller stepped briskly into the box the instant his name waspronounced; and placing his hat on the floor, and his arms onthe rail, took a bird's-eye view of the Bar, and a comprehensivesurvey of the Bench, with a remarkably cheerful and lively aspect.'What's your name, sir?' inquired the judge.

'Sam Weller, my Lord,' replied that gentleman.

'Do you spell it with a "V" or a "W"?' inquired the judge.

'That depends upon the taste and fancy of the speller, myLord,' replied Sam; 'I never had occasion to spell it more thanonce or twice in my life, but I spells it with a "V." '

Here a voice in the gallery exclaimed aloud, 'Quite right too,Samivel, quite right. Put it down a "we," my Lord, put it downa "we."''Who is that, who dares address the court?' said the littlejudge, looking up. 'Usher.'

'Yes, my Lord.'

'Bring that person here instantly.'

'Yes, my Lord.'

But as the usher didn't find the person, he didn't bring him;and, after a great commotion, all the people who had got up tolook for the culprit, sat down again. The little judge turned to thewitness as soon as his indignation would allow him to speak, andsaid--

'Do you know who that was, sir?'

'I rayther suspect it was my father, my lord,' replied Sam.

'Do you see him here now?' said the judge.

'No, I don't, my Lord,' replied Sam, staring right up into thelantern at the roof of the court.

'If you could have pointed him out, I would have committedhim instantly,' said the judge.Sam bowed his acknowledgments and turned, with unimpairedcheerfulness of countenance, towards Serjeant Buzfuz.

'Now, Mr. Weller,' said Serjeant Buzfuz.

'Now, sir,' replied Sam.

'I believe you are in the service of Mr. Pickwick, the defendantin this case? Speak up, if you please, Mr. Weller.'

'I mean to speak up, Sir,' replied Sam; 'I am in the service o'that 'ere gen'l'man, and a wery good service it is.'

'Little to do, and plenty to get, I suppose?' said SerjeantBuzfuz, with jocularity.'Oh, quite enough to get, Sir, as the soldier said ven theyordered him three hundred and fifty lashes,' replied Sam.

'You must not tell us what the soldier, or any other man, said,Sir,' interposed the judge; 'it's not evidence.'

'Wery good, my Lord,' replied Sam.

'Do you recollect anything particular happening on themorning when you were first engaged by the defendant; eh,Mr. Weller?' said Serjeant Buzfuz.

'Yes, I do, sir,' replied Sam.

'Have the goodness to tell the jury what it was.'

'I had a reg'lar new fit out o' clothes that mornin', gen'l'menof the jury,' said Sam, 'and that was a wery partickler anduncommon circumstance vith me in those days.'

Hereupon there was a general laugh; and the little judge,looking with an angry countenance over his desk, said, 'You hadbetter be careful, Sir.'

'So Mr. Pickwick said at the time, my Lord,' replied Sam; 'andI was wery careful o' that 'ere suit o' clothes; wery careful indeed,my Lord.'

The judge looked sternly at Sam for full two minutes, butSam's features were so perfectly calm and serene that the judgesaid nothing, and motioned Serjeant Buzfuz to proceed.

'Do you mean to tell me, Mr. Weller,' said Serjeant Buzfuz,folding his arms emphatically, and turning half-round tothe jury, as if in mute assurance that he would bother thewitness yet--'do you mean to tell me, Mr. Weller, that you sawnothing of this fainting on the part of the plaintiff in the arms ofthe defendant, which you have heard described by the witnesses?''Certainly not,' replied Sam; 'I was in the passage till theycalled me up, and then the old lady was not there.'

'Now, attend, Mr. Weller,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, dipping alarge pen into the inkstand before him, for the purpose offrightening Sam with a show of taking down his answer. 'Youwere in the passage, and yet saw nothing of what was goingforward. Have you a pair of eyes, Mr. Weller?'

'Yes, I have a pair of eyes,' replied Sam, 'and that's just it. Ifthey wos a pair o' patent double million magnifyin' gas microscopesof hextra power, p'raps I might be able to see through aflight o' stairs and a deal door; but bein' only eyes, you see, mywision 's limited.'

At this answer, which was delivered without the slightestappearance of irritation, and with the most complete simplicityand equanimity of manner, the spectators tittered, the little judgesmiled, and Serjeant Buzfuz looked particularly foolish. After ashort consultation with Dodson & Fogg, the learned Serjeantagain turned towards Sam, and said, with a painful effort toconceal his vexation, 'Now, Mr. Weller, I'll ask you a questionon another point, if you please.'

'If you please, Sir,' rejoined Sam, with the utmost good-humour.

'Do you remember going up to Mrs. Bardell's house, onenight in November last?''Oh, yes, wery well.'

'Oh, you do remember that, Mr. Weller,' said Serjeant Buzfuz,recovering his spirits; 'I thought we should get at something at last.'

'I rayther thought that, too, sir,' replied Sam; and at this thespectators tittered again.

'Well; I suppose you went up to have a little talk about thistrial--eh, Mr. Weller?' said Serjeant Buzfuz, looking knowinglyat the jury.

'I went up to pay the rent; but we did get a-talkin' about thetrial,' replied Sam.

'Oh, you did get a-talking about the trial,' said SerjeantBuzfuz, brightening up with the anticipation of some importantdiscovery. 'Now, what passed about the trial; will you have thegoodness to tell us, Mr. Weller'?'

'Vith all the pleasure in life, sir,' replied Sam. 'Arter a fewunimportant obserwations from the two wirtuous females as hasbeen examined here to-day, the ladies gets into a very great stateo' admiration at the honourable conduct of Mr. Dodson andFogg--them two gen'l'men as is settin' near you now.' This, ofcourse, drew general attention to Dodson & Fogg, who lookedas virtuous as possible.

'The attorneys for the plaintiff,' said Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz.'Well! They spoke in high praise of the honourable conduct ofMessrs. Dodson and Fogg, the attorneys for the plaintiff, did they?'

'Yes,' said Sam, 'they said what a wery gen'rous thing it waso' them to have taken up the case on spec, and to charge nothingat all for costs, unless they got 'em out of Mr. Pickwick.'

At this very unexpected reply, the spectators tittered again, andDodson & Fogg, turning very red, leaned over to SerjeantBuzfuz, and in a hurried manner whispered something in his ear.

'You are quite right,' said Serjeant Buzfuz aloud, with affectedcomposure. 'It's perfectly useless, my Lord, attempting to get atany evidence through the impenetrable stupidity of this witness.I will not trouble the court by asking him any more questions.Stand down, sir.'

'Would any other gen'l'man like to ask me anythin'?' inquiredSam, taking up his hat, and looking round most deliberately.

'Not I, Mr. Weller, thank you,' said Serjeant Snubbin, laughing.

'You may go down, sir,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, waving his handimpatiently. Sam went down accordingly, after doing Messrs.Dodson & Fogg's case as much harm as he convenientlycould, and saying just as little respecting Mr. Pickwick asmight be, which was precisely the object he had had in view all along.

'I have no objection to admit, my Lord,' said SerjeantSnubbin, 'if it will save the examination of another witness, thatMr. Pickwick has retired from business, and is a gentleman ofconsiderable independent property.'

'Very well,' said Serjeant Buzfuz, putting in the two letters tobe read, 'then that's my case, my Lord.'

Serjeant Snubbin then addressed the jury on behalf of thedefendant; and a very long and a very emphatic address hedelivered, in which he bestowed the highest possible eulogiumson the conduct and character of Mr. Pickwick; but inasmuch asour readers are far better able to form a correct estimate of thatgentleman's merits and deserts, than Serjeant Snubbin couldpossibly be, we do not feel called upon to enter at any length intothe learned gentleman's observations. He attempted to showthat the letters which had been exhibited, merely relatedto Mr. Pickwick's dinner, or to the preparations for receivinghim in his apartments on his return from some country excursion.It is sufficient to add in general terms, that he did thebest he could for Mr. Pickwick; and the best, as everybodyknows, on the infallible authority of the old adage, could dono more.

Mr. Justice Stareleigh summed up, in the old-established andmost approved form. He read as much of his notes to the jury ashe could decipher on so short a notice, and made running-comments on the evidence as he went along. If Mrs. Bardell wereright, it was perfectly clear that Mr. Pickwick was wrong, and ifthey thought the evidence of Mrs. Cluppins worthy of credencethey would believe it, and, if they didn't, why, they wouldn't. Ifthey were satisfied that a breach of promise of marriage had beencommitted they would find for the plaintiff with such damages asthey thought proper; and if, on the other hand, it appeared tothem that no promise of marriage had ever been given, theywould find for the defendant with no damages at all. The jurythen retired to their private room to talk the matter over, and thejudge retired to HIS private room, to refresh himself with a muttonchop and a glass of sherry.An anxious quarter of a hour elapsed; the jury came back; thejudge was fetched in. Mr. Pickwick put on his spectacles, andgazed at the foreman with an agitated countenance and aquickly-beating heart.

'Gentlemen,' said the individual in black, 'are you all agreedupon your verdict?'

'We are,' replied the foreman.

'Do you find for the plaintiff, gentlemen, or for the defendant?''For the plaintiff.'

'With what damages, gentlemen?'

'Seven hundred and fifty pounds.'

Mr. Pickwick took off his spectacles, carefully wiped theglasses, folded them into their case, and put them in his pocket;then, having drawn on his gloves with great nicety, and stared atthe foreman all the while, he mechanically followed Mr. Perkerand the blue bag out of court.

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 229488 times

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