They stopped in a side room while Perker paid the court fees;and here, Mr. Pickwick was joined by his friends. Here, too, heencountered Messrs. Dodson & Fogg, rubbing their hands withevery token of outward satisfaction.

'Well, gentlemen,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'Well, Sir,' said Dodson, for self and partner.

'You imagine you'll get your costs, don't you, gentlemen?'said Mr. Pickwick.

Fogg said they thought it rather probable. Dodson smiled, andsaid they'd try.

'You may try, and try, and try again, Messrs. Dodson andFogg,' said Mr. Pickwick vehemently,'but not one farthing ofcosts or damages do you ever get from me, if I spend the rest ofmy existence in a debtor's prison.'

'Ha! ha!' laughed Dodson. 'You'll think better of that, beforenext term, Mr. Pickwick.'

'He, he, he! We'll soon see about that, Mr. Pickwick,' grinned Fogg.

Speechless with indignation, Mr. Pickwick allowed himself tobe led by his solicitor and friends to the door, and there assistedinto a hackney-coach, which had been fetched for the purpose,by the ever-watchful Sam Weller.

Sam had put up the steps, and was preparing to jump upon thebox, when he felt himself gently touched on the shoulder; and,looking round, his father stood before him. The old gentleman'scountenance wore a mournful expression, as he shook his headgravely, and said, in warning accents--

'I know'd what 'ud come o' this here mode o' doin' bisness.Oh, Sammy, Sammy, vy worn't there a alleybi!'

CHAPTER XXXVIN WHICH Mr. PICKWICK THINKS HE HAD BETTER GO TOBATH; AND GOES ACCORDINGLY

'But surely, my dear sir,' said little Perker, as he stood in Mr.Pickwick's apartment on the morning after the trial, 'surely youdon't really mean--really and seriously now, and irritationapart--that you won't pay these costs and damages?'

'Not one halfpenny,' said Mr. Pickwick firmly; 'not one halfpenny.'

'Hooroar for the principle, as the money-lender said ven hevouldn't renew the bill,' observed Mr. Weller, who was clearingaway the breakfast-things.

'Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'have the goodness to step downstairs.'

'Cert'nly, sir,' replied Mr. Weller; and acting on Mr. Pickwick'sgentle hint, Sam retired.

'No, Perker,' said Mr. Pickwick, with great seriousness ofmanner, 'my friends here have endeavoured to dissuade me fromthis determination, but without avail. I shall employ myself asusual, until the opposite party have the power of issuing a legalprocess of execution against me; and if they are vile enough toavail themselves of it, and to arrest my person, I shall yieldmyself up with perfect cheerfulness and content of heart. Whencan they do this?'

'They can issue execution, my dear Sir, for the amount of thedamages and taxed costs, next term,' replied Perker, 'just twomonths hence, my dear sir.'

'Very good,' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Until that time, my dearfellow, let me hear no more of the matter. And now,' continuedMr. Pickwick, looking round on his friends with a good-humoured smile, and a sparkle in the eye which no spectaclescould dim or conceal, 'the only question is, Where shall we go next?'

Mr. Tupman and Mr. Snodgrass were too much affected bytheir friend's heroism to offer any reply. Mr. Winkle had not yetsufficiently recovered the recollection of his evidence at the trial,to make any observation on any subject, so Mr. Pickwick pausedin vain.

'Well,' said that gentleman, 'if you leave me to suggest ourdestination, I say Bath. I think none of us have ever been there.'

Nobody had; and as the proposition was warmly seconded byPerker, who considered it extremely probable that if Mr. Pickwicksaw a little change and gaiety he would be inclined to thinkbetter of his determination, and worse of a debtor's prison, it wascarried unanimously; and Sam was at once despatched to theWhite Horse Cellar, to take five places by the half-past seveno'clock coach, next morning.

There were just two places to be had inside, and just three tobe had out; so Sam Weller booked for them all, and havingexchanged a few compliments with the booking-office clerk onthe subject of a pewter half-crown which was tendered him as aportion of his 'change,' walked back to the George and Vulture,where he was pretty busily employed until bed-time in reducingclothes and linen into the smallest possible compass, and exertinghis mechanical genius in constructing a variety of ingeniousdevices for keeping the lids on boxes which had neither locks nor hinges.

The next was a very unpropitious morning for a journey--muggy, damp, and drizzly. The horses in the stages that weregoing out, and had come through the city, were smoking so, thatthe outside passengers were invisible. The newspaper-sellerslooked moist, and smelled mouldy; the wet ran off the hats ofthe orange-vendors as they thrust their heads into the coachwindows, and diluted the insides in a refreshing manner. TheJews with the fifty-bladed penknives shut them up in despair; themen with the pocket-books made pocket-books of them. Watch-guards and toasting-forks were alike at a discount, and pencil-cases and sponges were a drug in the market.

Leaving Sam Weller to rescue the luggage from the seven oreight porters who flung themselves savagely upon it, the momentthe coach stopped, and finding that they were about twentyminutes too early, Mr. Pickwick and his friends went for shelterinto the travellers' room--the last resource of human dejection.

The travellers' room at the White Horse Cellar is of courseuncomfortable; it would be no travellers' room if it were not. Itis the right-hand parlour, into which an aspiring kitchen fireplaceappears to have walked, accompanied by a rebellious poker,tongs, and shovel. It is divided into boxes, for the solitary confinementof travellers, and is furnished with a clock, a looking-glass,and a live waiter, which latter article is kept in a small kennelfor washing glasses, in a corner of the apartment.

One of these boxes was occupied, on this particular occasion,by a stern-eyed man of about five-and-forty, who had a bald andglossy forehead, with a good deal of black hair at the sides andback of his head, and large black whiskers. He was buttoned upto the chin in a brown coat; and had a large sealskin travelling-cap, and a greatcoat and cloak, lying on the seat beside him. Helooked up from his breakfast as Mr. Pickwick entered, with afierce and peremptory air, which was very dignified; and, havingscrutinised that gentleman and his companions to his entiresatisfaction, hummed a tune, in a manner which seemed to saythat he rather suspected somebody wanted to take advantage ofhim, but it wouldn't do.

'Waiter,' said the gentleman with the whiskers.

'Sir?' replied a man with a dirty complexion, and a towel ofthe same, emerging from the kennel before mentioned.

'Some more toast.'

'Yes, sir.'

'Buttered toast, mind,' said the gentleman fiercely.

'Directly, sir,' replied the waiter.

The gentleman with the whiskers hummed a tune in the samemanner as before, and pending the arrival of the toast, advancedto the front of the fire, and, taking his coat tails under his arms,looked at his boots and ruminated.

'I wonder whereabouts in Bath this coach puts up,' saidMr. Pickwick, mildly addressing Mr. Winkle.

'Hum--eh--what's that?' said the strange man.

'I made an observation to my friend, sir,' replied Mr. Pickwick,always ready to enter into conversation. 'I wondered at whathouse the Bath coach put up. Perhaps you can inform me.''Are you going to Bath?' said the strange man.

'I am, sir,' replied Mr. Pickwick.

'And those other gentlemen?'

'They are going also,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'Not inside--I'll be damned if you're going inside,' said thestrange man.

'Not all of us,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'No, not all of you,' said the strange man emphatically. 'I'vetaken two places. If they try to squeeze six people into an infernalbox that only holds four, I'll take a post-chaise and bring anaction. I've paid my fare. It won't do; I told the clerk when Itook my places that it wouldn't do. I know these things havebeen done. I know they are done every day; but I never was done,and I never will be. Those who know me best, best know it;crush me!' Here the fierce gentleman rang the bell with greatviolence, and told the waiter he'd better bring the toast in fiveseconds, or he'd know the reason why.

'My good sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'you will allow me toobserve that this is a very unnecessary display of excitement. Ihave only taken places inside for two.'

'I am glad to hear it,' said the fierce man. 'I withdraw myexpressions. I tender an apology. There's my card. Give me youracquaintance.'

'With great pleasure, Sir,' replied Mr. Pickwick. 'We are to befellow-travellers, and I hope we shall find each other's societymutually agreeable.'

'I hope we shall,' said the fierce gentleman. 'I know we shall.I like your looks; they please me. Gentlemen, your hands andnames. Know me.'

Of course, an interchange of friendly salutations followed thisgracious speech; and the fierce gentleman immediately proceededto inform the friends, in the same short, abrupt, jerking sentences,that his name was Dowler; that he was going to Bath on pleasure;that he was formerly in the army; that he had now set up inbusiness as a gentleman; that he lived upon the profits; and thatthe individual for whom the second place was taken, was apersonage no less illustrious than Mrs. Dowler, his lady wife.

'She's a fine woman,' said Mr. Dowler. 'I am proud of her. Ihave reason.'

'I hope I shall have the pleasure of judging,' said Mr. Pickwick,with a smile.'You shall,' replied Dowler. 'She shall know you. She shallesteem you. I courted her under singular circumstances. I wonher through a rash vow. Thus. I saw her; I loved her; I proposed;she refused me.--"You love another?"--"Spare my blushes."--"I know him."--"You do."--"Very good; if he remains here, I'llskin him."'

'Lord bless me!' exclaimed Mr. Pickwick involuntarily.

'Did you skin the gentleman, Sir?' inquired Mr. Winkle, witha very pale face.

'I wrote him a note, I said it was a painful thing. And so it was.'

'Certainly,' interposed Mr. Winkle.

'I said I had pledged my word as a gentleman to skin him. Mycharacter was at stake. I had no alternative. As an officer in HisMajesty's service, I was bound to skin him. I regretted thenecessity, but it must be done. He was open to conviction. Hesaw that the rules of the service were imperative. He fled. Imarried her. Here's the coach. That's her head.'

As Mr. Dowler concluded, he pointed to a stage which hadjust driven up, from the open window of which a rather prettyface in a bright blue bonnet was looking among the crowd on thepavement, most probably for the rash man himself. Mr. Dowlerpaid his bill, and hurried out with his travelling cap, coat, andcloak; and Mr. Pickwick and his friends followed to secure theirplaces.Mr. Tupman and Mr. Snodgrass had seated themselves at theback part of the coach; Mr. Winkle had got inside; and Mr.Pickwick was preparing to follow him, when Sam Weller cameup to his master, and whispering in his ear, begged to speak tohim, with an air of the deepest mystery.

'Well, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'what's the matter now?'

'Here's rayther a rum go, sir,' replied Sam.

'What?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.

'This here, Sir,' rejoined Sam. 'I'm wery much afeerd, sir, thatthe properiator o' this here coach is a playin' some imperencevith us.'

'How is that, Sam?' said Mr. Pickwick; 'aren't the names downon the way-bill?'

'The names is not only down on the vay-bill, Sir,' replied Sam,'but they've painted vun on 'em up, on the door o' the coach.'As Sam spoke, he pointed to that part of the coach door onwhich the proprietor's name usually appears; and there, sureenough, in gilt letters of a goodly size, was the magic name ofPICKWICK!

'Dear me,' exclaimed Mr. Pickwick, quite staggered by thecoincidence; 'what a very extraordinary thing!'

'Yes, but that ain't all,' said Sam, again directing his master'sattention to the coach door; 'not content vith writin' up "Pick-wick," they puts "Moses" afore it, vich I call addin' insult toinjury, as the parrot said ven they not only took him from hisnative land, but made him talk the English langwidge arterwards.'

'It's odd enough, certainly, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick; 'but ifwe stand talking here, we shall lose our places.'

'Wot, ain't nothin' to be done in consequence, sir?' exclaimedSam, perfectly aghast at the coolness with which Mr. Pickwickprepared to ensconce himself inside.

'Done!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'What should be done?''Ain't nobody to be whopped for takin' this here liberty, sir?'said Mr. Weller, who had expected that at least he would havebeen commissioned to challenge the guard and the coachman toa pugilistic encounter on the spot.

'Certainly not,' replied Mr. Pickwick eagerly; 'not on anyaccount. Jump up to your seat directly.'

'I am wery much afeered,' muttered Sam to himself, as heturned away, 'that somethin' queer's come over the governor, orhe'd never ha' stood this so quiet. I hope that 'ere trial hasn'tbroke his spirit, but it looks bad, wery bad.' Mr. Weller shookhis head gravely; and it is worthy of remark, as an illustrationof the manner in which he took this circumstance to heart,that he did not speak another word until the coach reachedthe Kensington turnpike. Which was so long a time for him toremain taciturn, that the fact may be considered wholly unprecedented.

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 229917 times

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