"It must be, by some means or other," said Don Quixote, "forunless the name stands
there plain and manifest, no woman wouldbelieve the verses were made for her."
They agreed upon this, and that the departure should take place inthree days
from that time. Don Quixote charged the bachelor to keep ita secret, especially
from the curate and Master Nicholas, and from hisniece and the housekeeper, lest
they should prevent the execution ofhis praiseworthy and valiant purpose. Carrasco
promised all, andthen took his leave, charging Don Quixote to inform him of his
good orevil fortunes whenever he had an opportunity; and thus they badeeach other
farewell, and Sancho went away to make the necessarypreparations for their expedition.
OF THE SHREWD AND DROLL CONVERSATION THAT PASSED BETWEEN SANCHOPANZA AND HIS
WIFE TERESA PANZA, AND OTHER MATTERS WORTHY OF BEINGDULY RECORDED
The translator of this history, when he comes to write this fifthchapter, says
that he considers it apocryphal, because in it SanchoPanza speaks in a style unlike
that which might have been expectedfrom his limited intelligence, and says things
so subtle that hedoes not think it possible he could have conceived them; however,desirous
of doing what his task imposed upon him, he was unwillingto leave it untranslated,
and therefore he went on to say:
Sancho came home in such glee and spirits that his wife noticedhis happiness
a bowshot off, so much so that it made her ask him,"What have you got, Sancho friend,
that you are so glad?"
To which he replied, "Wife, if it were God's will, I should bevery glad not to
be so well pleased as I show myself."
"I don't understand you, husband," said she, "and I don't knowwhat you mean by
saying you would be glad, if it were God's will,not to be well pleased; for, fool
as I am, I don't know how one canfind pleasure in not having it."
"Hark ye, Teresa," replied Sancho, "I am glad because I have made upmy mind to
go back to the service of my master Don Quixote, whomeans to go out a third time
to seek for adventures; and I am goingwith him again, for my necessities will have
it so, and also thehope that cheers me with the thought that I may find another
hundredcrowns like those we have spent; though it makes me sad to have toleave thee
and the children; and if God would be pleased to let mehave my daily bread, dry-shod
and at home, without taking me outinto the byways and cross-roads- and he could
do it at small cost bymerely willing it- it is clear my happiness would be more
solid andlasting, for the happiness I have is mingled with sorrow at leavingthee;
so that I was right in saying I would be glad, if it wereGod's will, not to be well
"Look here, Sancho," said Teresa; "ever since you joined on to aknight-errant
you talk in such a roundabout way that there is nounderstanding you."
"It is enough that God understands me, wife," replied Sancho; "forhe is the understander
of all things; that will do; but mind,sister, you must look to Dapple carefully
for the next three days,so that he may be fit to take arms; double his feed, and
see to thepack-saddle and other harness, for it is not to a wedding we arebound,
but to go round the world, and play at give and take withgiants and dragons and
monsters, and hear hissings and roarings andbellowings and howlings; and even all
this would be lavender, if wehad not to reckon with Yanguesans and enchanted Moors."
"I know well enough, husband," said Teresa, "that squires-errantdon't eat their
bread for nothing, and so I will be always prayingto our Lord to deliver you speedily
from all that hard fortune."
"I can tell you, wife," said Sancho, "if I did not expect to seemyself governor
of an island before long, I would drop down dead onthe spot."
"Nay, then, husband," said Teresa; "let the hen live, though it bewith her pip,
live, and let the devil take all the governments inthe world; you came out of your
mother's womb without a government,you have lived until now without a government,
and when it is God'swill you will go, or be carried, to your grave without a government.How
many there are in the world who live without a government, andcontinue to live all
the same, and are reckoned in the number of thepeople. The best sauce in the world
is hunger, and as the poor arenever without that, they always eat with a relish.
But mind, Sancho,if by good luck you should find yourself with some government,
don'tforget me and your children. Remember that Sanchico is now fullfifteen, and
it is right he should go to school, if his uncle theabbot has a mind to have him
trained for the Church. Consider, too,that your daughter Mari-Sancha will not die
of grief if we marryher; for I have my suspicions that she is as eager to get a
husband asyou to get a government; and, after all, a daughter looks better illmarried
than well whored."
"By my faith," replied Sancho, "if God brings me to get any sortof a government,
I intend, wife, to make such a high match forMari-Sancha that there will be no approaching
her without callingher 'my lady."
"Nay, Sancho," returned Teresa; "marry her to her equal, that is thesafest plan;
for if you put her out of wooden clogs into high-heeledshoes, out of her grey flannel
petticoat into hoops and silk gowns,out of the plain 'Marica' and 'thou,' into 'Dona
So-and-so' and 'mylady,' the girl won't know where she is, and at every turn she
willfall into a thousand blunders that will show the thread of hercoarse homespun
"Tut, you fool," said Sancho; "it will be only to practise it fortwo or three
years; and then dignity and decorum will fit her aseasily as a glove; and if not,
what matter? Let her he 'my lady,'and never mind what happens."
"Keep to your own station, Sancho," replied Teresa; "don't try toraise yourself
higher, and bear in mind the proverb that says, 'wipethe nose of your neigbbour's
son, and take him into your house.' Afine thing it would be, indeed, to marry our
Maria to some great countor grand gentleman, who, when the humour took him, would
abuse her andcall her clown-bred and clodhopper's daughter and spinning wench. Ihave
not been bringing up my daughter for that all this time, I cantell you, husband.
Do you bring home money, Sancho, and leave marryingher to my care; there is Lope
Tocho, Juan Tocho's son, a stout, sturdyyoung fellow that we know, and I can see
he does not look sour atthe girl; and with him, one of our own sort, she will be
well married,and we shall have her always under our eyes, and be all one family,parents
and children, grandchildren and sons-in-law, and the peace andblessing of God will
dwell among us; so don't you go marrying her inthose courts and grand palaces where
they won't know what to make ofher, or she what to make of herself."
"Why, you idiot and wife for Barabbas," said Sancho, "what do youmean by trying,
without why or wherefore, to keep me from marryingmy daughter to one who will give
me grandchildren that will becalled 'your lordship'? Look ye, Teresa, I have always
heard my elderssay that he who does not know how to take advantage of luck when
itcomes to him, has no right to complain if it gives him the go-by;and now that
it is knocking at our door, it will not do to shut itout; let us go with the favouring
breeze that blows upon us."
It is this sort of talk, and what Sancho says lower down, thatmade the translator
of the history say he considered this chapterapocryphal.
"Don't you see, you animal," continued Sancho, "that it will be wellfor me to
drop into some profitable government that will lift us outof the mire, and marry
Mari-Sancha to whom I like; and you yourselfwill find yourself called 'Dona Teresa
Panza,' and sitting in churchon a fine carpet and cushions and draperies, in spite
and indefiance of all the born ladies of the town? No, stay as you are,growing neither
greater nor less, like a tapestry figure- Let us sayno more about it, for Sanchica
shall be a countess, say what youwill."
"Are you sure of all you say, husband?" replied Teresa. "Well, forall that, I
am afraid this rank of countess for my daughter will beher ruin. You do as you like,
make a duchess or a princess of her, butI can tell you it will not be with my will
and consent. I was always alover of equality, brother, and I can't bear to see people
givethemselves airs without any right. They called me Teresa at mybaptism, a plain,
simple name, without any additions or tags orfringes of Dons or Donas; Cascajo was
my father's name, and as I amyour wife, I am called Teresa Panza, though by right
I ought to hecalled Teresa Cascajo; but 'kings go where laws like,' and I amcontent
with this name without having the 'Don' put on top of it tomake it so heavy that
I cannot carry it; and I don't want to makepeople talk about me when they see me
go dressed like a countess orgovernor's wife; for they will say at once, 'See what
airs the slutgives herself! Only yesterday she was always spinning flax, and usedto
go to mass with the tail of her petticoat over her head insteadof a mantle, and
there she goes to-day in a hooped gown with herbroaches and airs, as if we didn't
know her!' If God keeps me in myseven senses, or five, or whatever number I have,
I am not going tobring myself to such a pass; go you, brother, and be a government
oran island man, and swagger as much as you like; for by the soul ofmy mother, neither
my daughter nor I are going to stir a step from ourvillage; a respectable woman
should have a broken leg and keep athome; and to he busy at something is a virtuous
damsel's holiday; beoff to your adventures along with your Don Quixote, and leave
us toour misadventures, for God will mend them for us according as wedeserve it.
I don't know, I'm sure, who fixed the 'Don' to him, whatneither his father nor grandfather
"I declare thou hast a devil of some sort in thy body!" said Sancho."God help
thee, what a lot of things thou hast strung together, oneafter the other, without
head or tail! What have Cascajo, and thebroaches and the proverbs and the airs,
to do with what I say? Lookhere, fool and dolt (for so I may call you, when you
don'tunderstand my words, and run away from good fortune), if I had saidthat my
daughter was to throw herself down from a tower, or go roamingthe world, as the
Infanta Dona Urraca wanted to do, you would be rightin not giving way to my will;
but if in an instant, in less than thetwinkling of an eye, I put the 'Don' and 'my
lady' on her back, andtake her out of the stubble, and place her under a canopy,
on adais, and on a couch, with more velvet cushions than all the Almohadesof Morocco
ever had in their family, why won't you consent and fall inwith my wishes?"
"Do you know why, husband?" replied Teresa; "because of theproverb that says
'who covers thee, discovers thee.' At the poor manpeople only throw a hasty glance;
on the rich man they fix their eyes;and if the said rich man was once on a time
poor, it is then thereis the sneering and the tattle and spite of backbiters; and
in thestreets here they swarm as thick as bees."
"Look here, Teresa," said Sancho, "and listen to what I am now goingto say to
you; maybe you never heard it in all your life; and I do notgive my own notions,
for what I am about to say are the opinions ofhis reverence the preacher, who preached
in this town last Lent, andwho said, if I remember rightly, that all things present
that our eyesbehold, bring themselves before us, and remain and fix themselves onour
memory much better and more forcibly than things past."
These observations which Sancho makes here are the other ones onaccount of which
the translator says he regards this chapter asapocryphal, inasmuch as they are beyond
"Whence it arises," he continued, "that when we see any personwell dressed and
making a figure with rich garments and retinue ofservants, it seems to lead and
impel us perforce to respect him,though memory may at the same moment recall to
us some lowly conditionin which we have seen him, but which, whether it may have
been povertyor low birth, being now a thing of the past, has no existence; whilethe
only thing that has any existence is what we see before us; and ifthis person whom
fortune has raised from his original lowly state(these were the very words the padre
used) to his present height ofprosperity, be well bred, generous, courteous to all,
withoutseeking to vie with those whose nobility is of ancient date, dependupon it,
Teresa, no one will remember what he was, and everyone willrespect what he is, except
indeed the envious, from whom no fairfortune is safe."
"I do not understand you, husband," replied Teresa; "do as you like,and don't
break my head with any more speechifying and rethoric; andif you have revolved to
do what you say-"
"Resolved, you should say, woman," said Sancho, "not revolved."
"Don't set yourself to wrangle with me, husband," said Teresa; "Ispeak as God
pleases, and don't deal in out-of-the-way phrases; andI say if you are bent upon
having a government, take your son Sanchowith you, and teach him from this time
on how to hold a government;for sons ought to inherit and learn the trades of their
"As soon as I have the government," said Sancho, "I will send forhim by post,
and I will send thee money, of which I shall have nolack, for there is never any
want of people to lend it to governorswhen they have not got it; and do thou dress
him so as to hide what heis and make him look what he is to be."
"You send the money," said Teresa, "and I'll dress him up for you asfine as you
"Then we are agreed that our daughter is to be a countess," saidSancho.
"The day that I see her a countess," replied Teresa, "it will be thesame to me
as if I was burying her; but once more I say do as youplease, for we women are born
to this burden of being obedient toour husbands, though they be dogs;" and with
this she began to weep inearnest, as if she already saw Sanchica dead and buried.