'I forgot,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen. 'It is my aunt.'

'Dear me!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Poor lady! Gently Sam, gently.'

'Strange sitivation for one o' the family,' observed Sam Weller,hoisting the aunt into a chair. 'Now depitty sawbones, bring outthe wollatilly!'

The latter observation was addressed to the boy in gray, who,having handed over the fly to the care of the street-keeper, hadcome back to see what all the noise was about. Between the boyin gray, and Mr. Bob Sawyer, and Mr. Benjamin Allen (whohaving frightened his aunt into a fainting fit, was affectionatelysolicitous for her recovery) the old lady was at length restored toconsciousness; then Mr. Ben Allen, turning with a puzzledcountenance to Mr. Pickwick, asked him what he was about tosay, when he had been so alarmingly interrupted.

'We are all friends here, I presume?' said Mr. Pickwick,clearing his voice, and looking towards the man of few wordswith the surly countenance, who drove the fly with the chubby horse.

This reminded Mr. Bob Sawyer that the boy in gray was lookingon, with eyes wide open, and greedy ears. The incipientchemist having been lifted up by his coat collar, and droppedoutside the door, Bob Sawyer assured Mr. Pickwick that hemight speak without reserve.

'Your sister, my dear Sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, turning toBenjamin Allen, 'is in London; well and happy.'

'Her happiness is no object to me, sir,' said Benjamin Allen,with a flourish of the hand.

'Her husband IS an object to ME, Sir,' said Bob Sawyer. 'Heshall be an object to me, sir, at twelve paces, and a pretty objectI'll make of him, sir--a mean-spirited scoundrel!' This, as itstood, was a very pretty denunciation, and magnanimous withal;but Mr. Bob Sawyer rather weakened its effect, by winding upwith some general observations concerning the punching ofheads and knocking out of eyes, which were commonplace by comparison.

'Stay, sir,' said Mr. Pickwick; 'before you apply those epithetsto the gentleman in question, consider, dispassionately, theextent of his fault, and above all remember that he is a friend of mine.'

'What!' said Mr. Bob Sawyer.'His name!' cried Ben Allen. 'His name!'

'Mr. Nathaniel Winkle,' said Mr, Pickwick.

Mr. Benjamin Allen deliberately crushed his spectacles beneaththe heel of his boot, and having picked up the pieces, and putthem into three separate pockets, folded his arms, bit his lips, andlooked in a threatening manner at the bland features of Mr. Pickwick.

'Then it's you, is it, Sir, who have encouraged and broughtabout this match?' inquired Mr. Benjamin Allen at length.

'And it's this gentleman's servant, I suppose,' interrupted theold lady, 'who has been skulking about my house, andendeavouring to entrap my servants to conspire against theirmistress.--Martin!'

'Well?' said the surly man, coming forward.

'Is that the young man you saw in the lane, whom you told meabout, this morning?'

Mr. Martin, who, as it has already appeared, was a man of fewwords, looked at Sam Weller, nodded his head, and growledforth, 'That's the man.' Mr. Weller, who was never proud, gavea smile of friendly recognition as his eyes encountered those ofthe surly groom, and admitted in courteous terms, that he had'knowed him afore.'

'And this is the faithful creature,' exclaimed Mr. Ben Allen,'whom I had nearly suffocated!--Mr. Pickwick, how dare youallow your fellow to be employed in the abduction of my sister?I demand that you explain this matter, sir.'

'Explain it, sir!' cried Bob Sawyer fiercely.

'It's a conspiracy,' said Ben Allen.

'A regular plant,' added Mr. Bob Sawyer.

'A disgraceful imposition,' observed the old lady.

'Nothing but a do,' remarked Martin.'Pray hear me,' urged Mr. Pickwick, as Mr. Ben Allen fell intoa chair that patients were bled in, and gave way to his pocket-handkerchief. 'I have rendered no assistance in this matter,beyond being present at one interview between the young peoplewhich I could not prevent, and from which I conceived mypresence would remove any slight colouring of impropriety thatit might otherwise have had; this is the whole share I have had inthe transaction, and I had no suspicion that an immediatemarriage was even contemplated. Though, mind,' added Mr.Pickwick, hastily checking himself--'mind, I do not say I shouldhave prevented it, if I had known that it was intended.'

'You hear that, all of you; you hear that?' said Mr. Benjamin Allen.

'I hope they do,' mildly observed Mr. Pickwick, lookinground, 'and,' added that gentleman, his colour mounting as hespoke, 'I hope they hear this, Sir, also. That from what has beenstated to me, sir, I assert that you were by no means justifiedin attempting to force your sister's inclinations as you did, andthat you should rather have endeavoured by your kindness andforbearance to have supplied the place of other nearer relationswhom she had never known, from a child. As regards my youngfriend, I must beg to add, that in every point of worldly advantagehe is, at least, on an equal footing with yourself, if not on amuch better one, and that unless I hear this question discussedwith becoming temper and moderation, I decline hearing anymore said upon the subject.'

'I wish to make a wery few remarks in addition to wot hasbeen put for'ard by the honourable gen'l'm'n as has jist give over,'said Mr. Weller, stepping forth, 'wich is this here: a indiwidualin company has called me a feller.'

'That has nothing whatever to do with the matter, Sam,' interposedMr. Pickwick. 'Pray hold your tongue.'

'I ain't a-goin' to say nothin' on that 'ere pint, sir,' repliedSam, 'but merely this here. P'raps that gen'l'm'n may think asthere wos a priory 'tachment; but there worn't nothin' o' thesort, for the young lady said in the wery beginnin' o' the keepin'company, that she couldn't abide him. Nobody's cut him out,and it 'ud ha' been jist the wery same for him if the young ladyhad never seen Mr. Vinkle. That's what I wished to say, sir, andI hope I've now made that 'ere gen'l'm'n's mind easy.

A short pause followed these consolatory remarks of Mr.Weller. Then Mr. Ben Allen rising from his chair, protested thathe would never see Arabella's face again; while Mr. Bob Sawyer,despite Sam's flattering assurance, vowed dreadful vengeance onthe happy bridegroom.

But, just when matters were at their height, and threatening toremain so, Mr. Pickwick found a powerful assistant in the oldlady, who, evidently much struck by the mode in which he hadadvocated her niece's cause, ventured to approach Mr. BenjaminAllen with a few comforting reflections, of which the chief were,that after all, perhaps, it was well it was no worse; the least saidthe soonest mended, and upon her word she did not know thatit was so very bad after all; what was over couldn't be begun, andwhat couldn't be cured must be endured; with various otherassurances of the like novel and strengthening description. To allof these, Mr. Benjamin Allen replied that he meant no disrespectto his aunt, or anybody there, but if it were all the same to them,and they would allow him to have his own way, he would ratherhave the pleasure of hating his sister till death, and after it.

At length, when this determination had been announced half ahundred times, the old lady suddenly bridling up and looking verymajestic, wished to know what she had done that no respect wasto be paid to her years or station, and that she should be obligedto beg and pray, in that way, of her own nephew, whom sheremembered about five-and-twenty years before he was born,and whom she had known, personally, when he hadn't a toothin his head; to say nothing of her presence on the first occasionof his having his hair cut, and assistance at numerous other timesand ceremonies during his babyhood, of sufficient importance tofound a claim upon his affection, obedience, and sympathies, for ever.

While the good lady was bestowing this objurgation onMr. Ben Allen, Bob Sawyer and Mr. Pickwick had retired inclose conversation to the inner room, where Mr. Sawyer wasobserved to apply himself several times to the mouth of a blackbottle, under the influence of which, his features graduallyassumed a cheerful and even jovial expression. And at last heemerged from the room, bottle in hand, and, remarking that hewas very sorry to say he had been making a fool of himself,begged to propose the health and happiness of Mr. and Mrs.Winkle, whose felicity, so far from envying, he would be the firstto congratulate them upon. Hearing this, Mr. Ben Allen suddenlyarose from his chair, and, seizing the black bottle, drank thetoast so heartily, that, the liquor being strong, he became nearlyas black in the face as the bottle. Finally, the black bottle wentround till it was empty, and there was so much shaking of handsand interchanging of compliments, that even the metal-visagedMr. Martin condescended to smile.

'And now,' said Bob Sawyer, rubbing his hands, 'we'll have ajolly night.'

'I am sorry,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'that I must return to my inn.I have not been accustomed to fatigue lately, and my journey hastired me exceedingly.'

'You'll take some tea, Mr. Pickwick?' said the old lady, withirresistible sweetness.

'Thank you, I would rather not,' replied that gentleman. Thetruth is, that the old lady's evidently increasing admiration wasMr. Pickwick's principal inducement for going away. He thoughtof Mrs. Bardell; and every glance of the old lady's eyes threw himinto a cold perspiration.

As Mr. Pickwick could by no means be prevailed upon to stay,it was arranged at once, on his own proposition, that Mr. BenjaminAllen should accompany him on his journey to the elderMr. Winkle's, and that the coach should be at the door, at nineo'clock next morning. He then took his leave, and, followed bySamuel Weller, repaired to the Bush. It is worthy of remark, thatMr. Martin's face was horribly convulsed as he shook hands withSam at parting, and that he gave vent to a smile and an oathsimultaneously; from which tokens it has been inferred by thosewho were best acquainted with that gentleman's peculiarities,that he expressed himself much pleased with Mr. Weller'ssociety, and requested the honour of his further acquaintance.

'Shall I order a private room, Sir?' inquired Sam, when theyreached the Bush.

'Why, no, Sam,' replied Mr. Pickwick; 'as I dined in thecoffee-room, and shall go to bed soon, it is hardly worth while.See who there is in the travellers' room, Sam.'

Mr. Weller departed on his errand, and presently returned tosay that there was only a gentleman with one eye; and that heand the landlord were drinking a bowl of bishop together.

'I will join them,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'He's a queer customer, the vun-eyed vun, sir,' observed Mr.Weller, as he led the way. 'He's a-gammonin' that 'ere landlord,he is, sir, till he don't rightly know wether he's a-standing on thesoles of his boots or the crown of his hat.'

The individual to whom this observation referred, was sittingat the upper end of the room when Mr. Pickwick entered, andwas smoking a large Dutch pipe, with his eye intently fixed on theround face of the landlord; a jolly-looking old personage, towhom he had recently been relating some tale of wonder, as wastestified by sundry disjointed exclamations of, 'Well, I wouldn'thave believed it! The strangest thing I ever heard! Couldn't havesupposed it possible!' and other expressions of astonishmentwhich burst spontaneously from his lips, as he returned the fixedgaze of the one-eyed man.

'Servant, sir,' said the one-eyed man to Mr. Pickwick. 'Finenight, sir.'

'Very much so indeed,' replied Mr. Pickwick, as the waiterplaced a small decanter of brandy, and some hot water before him.

While Mr. Pickwick was mixing his brandy-and-water, theone-eyed man looked round at him earnestly, from time to time,and at length said--

'I think I've seen you before.'

'I don't recollect you,' rejoined Mr. Pickwick.

'I dare say not,' said the one-eyed man. 'You didn't know me,but I knew two friends of yours that were stopping at the Peacockat Eatanswill, at the time of the election.'

'Oh, indeed!' exclaimed Mr. Pickwick.

'Yes,' rejoined the one-eyed man. 'I mentioned a little circumstanceto them about a friend of mine of the name of Tom Smart.Perhaps you've heard them speak of it.'

'Often,' rejoined Mr. Pickwick, smiling. 'He was your uncle, I think?'

'No, no; only a friend of my uncle's,' replied the one-eyed man.

'He was a wonderful man, that uncle of yours, though,'remarked the landlord shaking his head.

'Well, I think he was; I think I may say he was,' answered theone-eyed man. 'I could tell you a story about that same uncle,gentlemen, that would rather surprise you.'

'Could you?' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Let us hear it, by all means.'

The one-eyed bagman ladled out a glass of negus from thebowl, and drank it; smoked a long whiff out of the Dutch pipe;and then, calling to Sam Weller who was lingering near the door,that he needn't go away unless he wanted to, because the storywas no secret, fixed his eye upon the landlord's, and proceeded,in the words of the next chapter.

CHAPTER XLIXCONTAINING THE STORY OF THE BAGMAN'S UNCLE

'My uncle, gentlemen,' said the bagman, 'was one of themerriest, pleasantest, cleverest fellows, that ever lived. I wishyou had known him, gentlemen. On second thoughts, gentlemen,I don't wish you had known him, for if you had, you would havebeen all, by this time, in the ordinary course of nature, if not dead,at all events so near it, as to have taken to stopping at home andgiving up company, which would have deprived me of theinestimable pleasure of addressing you at this moment. Gentlemen,I wish your fathers and mothers had known my uncle.They would have been amazingly fond of him, especially yourrespectable mothers; I know they would. If any two of hisnumerous virtues predominated over the many that adorned hischaracter, I should say they were his mixed punch and his after-supper song. Excuse my dwelling on these melancholy recollectionsof departed worth; you won't see a man like my uncleevery day in the week.

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
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