'Wot are you a-doin' on, you lunatic?' said Sam, snatching thepaper away, as his parent, in all innocence, stirred the firepreparatory to suiting the action to the word. 'You're a niceeggzekiter, you are.'

'Vy not?' inquired Mr. Weller, looking sternly round, with thepoker in his hand.

'Vy not?' exclaimed Sam. ''Cos it must be proved, and probated,and swore to, and all manner o' formalities.'

'You don't mean that?' said Mr. Weller, laying down the poker.

Sam buttoned the will carefully in a side pocket; intimating bya look, meanwhile, that he did mean it, and very seriously too.

'Then I'll tell you wot it is,' said Mr. Weller, after a shortmeditation, 'this is a case for that 'ere confidential pal o' theChancellorship's. Pell must look into this, Sammy. He's the manfor a difficult question at law. Ve'll have this here brought aforethe Solvent Court, directly, Samivel.'

'I never did see such a addle-headed old creetur!' exclaimedSam irritably; 'Old Baileys, and Solvent Courts, and alleybis,and ev'ry species o' gammon alvays a-runnin' through his brain.You'd better get your out o' door clothes on, and come to townabout this bisness, than stand a-preachin' there about wot youdon't understand nothin' on.'

'Wery good, Sammy,' replied Mr. Weller, 'I'm quite agreeableto anythin' as vill hexpedite business, Sammy. But mind this here,my boy, nobody but Pell--nobody but Pell as a legal adwiser.'

'I don't want anybody else,' replied Sam. 'Now, are you a-comin'?'

'Vait a minit, Sammy,' replied Mr. Weller, who, having tiedhis shawl with the aid of a small glass that hung in the window,was now, by dint of the most wonderful exertions, struggling intohis upper garments. 'Vait a minit' Sammy; ven you grow as oldas your father, you von't get into your veskit quite as easy as youdo now, my boy.'

'If I couldn't get into it easier than that, I'm blessed if I'd vearvun at all,' rejoined his son.

'You think so now,' said Mr. Weller, with the gravity of age,'but you'll find that as you get vider, you'll get viser. Vidth andvisdom, Sammy, alvays grows together.'

As Mr. Weller delivered this infallible maxim--the result ofmany years' personal experience and observation--he contrived,by a dexterous twist of his body, to get the bottom button of hiscoat to perform its office. Having paused a few seconds torecover breath, he brushed his hat with his elbow, and declaredhimself ready.

'As four heads is better than two, Sammy,' said Mr. Weller,as they drove along the London Road in the chaise-cart, 'and asall this here property is a wery great temptation to a legalgen'l'm'n, ve'll take a couple o' friends o' mine vith us, as'll bewery soon down upon him if he comes anythin' irreg'lar; two o'them as saw you to the Fleet that day. They're the wery bestjudges,' added Mr. Weller, in a half-whisper--'the wery bestjudges of a horse, you ever know'd.'

'And of a lawyer too?' inquired Sam.

'The man as can form a ackerate judgment of a animal, canform a ackerate judgment of anythin',' replied his father, sodogmatically, that Sam did not attempt to controvert the position.

In pursuance of this notable resolution, the services of themottled-faced gentleman and of two other very fat coachmen--selected by Mr. Weller, probably, with a view to their width andconsequent wisdom--were put into requisition; and thisassistance having been secured, the party proceeded to thepublic-house in Portugal Street, whence a messenger wasdespatched to the Insolvent Court over the way, requiring Mr.Solomon Pell's immediate attendance.

The messenger fortunately found Mr. Solomon Pell in court,regaling himself, business being rather slack, with a cold collationof an Abernethy biscuit and a saveloy. The message was nosooner whispered in his ear than he thrust them in his pocketamong various professional documents, and hurried over the waywith such alacrity that he reached the parlour before the messengerhad even emancipated himself from the court.

'Gentlemen,' said Mr. Pell, touching his hat, 'my service toyou all. I don't say it to flatter you, gentlemen, but there are notfive other men in the world, that I'd have come out of that courtfor, to-day.'

'So busy, eh?' said Sam.

'Busy!' replied Pell; 'I'm completely sewn up, as my friend thelate Lord Chancellor many a time used to say to me, gentlemen,when he came out from hearing appeals in the House of Lords.Poor fellow; he was very susceptible to fatigue; he used to feelthose appeals uncommonly. I actually thought more than oncethat he'd have sunk under 'em; I did, indeed.'

Here Mr. Pell shook his head and paused; on which, the elderMr. Weller, nudging his neighbour, as begging him to mark theattorney's high connections, asked whether the duties in questionproduced any permanent ill effects on the constitution of hisnoble friend.

'I don't think he ever quite recovered them,' replied Pell; 'infact I'm sure he never did. "Pell," he used to say to me many atime, "how the blazes you can stand the head-work you do, isa mystery to me."--"Well," I used to answer, "I hardly knowhow I do it, upon my life."--"Pell," he'd add, sighing, andlooking at me with a little envy--friendly envy, you know,gentlemen, mere friendly envy; I never minded it--"Pell, you'rea wonder; a wonder." Ah! you'd have liked him very much ifyou had known him, gentlemen. Bring me three-penn'orth ofrum, my dear.'

Addressing this latter remark to the waitress, in a tone ofsubdued grief, Mr. Pell sighed, looked at his shoes and theceiling; and, the rum having by that time arrived, drank it up.

'However,' said Pell, drawing a chair to the table, 'a professionalman has no right to think of his private friendships whenhis legal assistance is wanted. By the bye, gentlemen, since I sawyou here before, we have had to weep over a very melancholyoccurrence.'

Mr. Pell drew out a pocket-handkerchief, when he came to theword weep, but he made no further use of it than to wipe awaya slight tinge of rum which hung upon his upper lip.

'I saw it in the ADVERTISER, Mr. Weller,' continued Pell. 'Blessmy soul, not more than fifty-two! Dear me--only think.'

These indications of a musing spirit were addressed to themottled-faced man, whose eyes Mr. Pell had accidentally caught;on which, the mottled-faced man, whose apprehension of mattersin general was of a foggy nature, moved uneasily in his seat, andopined that, indeed, so far as that went, there was no saying howthings was brought about; which observation, involving one ofthose subtle propositions which it is difficult to encounter inargument, was controverted by nobody.

'I have heard it remarked that she was a very fine woman,Mr. Weller,' said Pell, in a sympathising manner.

'Yes, sir, she wos,' replied the elder Mr. Weller, not muchrelishing this mode of discussing the subject, and yet thinkingthat the attorney, from his long intimacy with the late LordChancellor, must know best on all matters of polite breeding.'She wos a wery fine 'ooman, sir, ven I first know'd her. She wosa widder, sir, at that time.'

'Now, it's curious,' said Pell, looking round with a sorrowfulsmile; 'Mrs. Pell was a widow.'

'That's very extraordinary,' said the mottled-faced man.

'Well, it is a curious coincidence,' said Pell.

'Not at all,' gruffly remarked the elder Mr. Weller. 'Morewidders is married than single wimin.'

'Very good, very good,' said Pell, 'you're quite right, Mr.Weller. Mrs. Pell was a very elegant and accomplished woman;her manners were the theme of universal admiration in ourneighbourhood. I was proud to see that woman dance; there wassomething so firm and dignified, and yet natural, in her motion.Her cutting, gentlemen, was simplicity itself. Ah! well, well!Excuse my asking the question, Mr. Samuel,' continued theattorney in a lower voice, 'was your mother-in-law tall?'

'Not wery,' replied Sam.

'Mrs. Pell was a tall figure,' said Pell, 'a splendid woman, witha noble shape, and a nose, gentlemen, formed to command andbe majestic. She was very much attached to me--very much--highly connected, too. Her mother's brother, gentlemen, failedfor eight hundred pounds, as a law stationer.'

'Vell,' said Mr. Weller, who had grown rather restless duringthis discussion, 'vith regard to bis'ness.'

The word was music to Pell's ears. He had been revolving inhis mind whether any business was to be transacted, or whetherhe had been merely invited to partake of a glass of brandy-and-water, or a bowl of punch, or any similar professional compliment,and now the doubt was set at rest without his appearingat all eager for its solution. His eyes glistened as he laid his haton the table, and said--

'What is the business upon which--um? Either of thesegentlemen wish to go through the court? We require an arrest;a friendly arrest will do, you know; we are all friends here, I suppose?'

'Give me the dockyment, Sammy,' said Mr. Weller, taking thewill from his son, who appeared to enjoy the interview amazingly.'Wot we rekvire, sir, is a probe o' this here.'

'Probate, my dear Sir, probate,' said Pell.

'Well, sir,' replied Mr. Weller sharply, 'probe and probe it, iswery much the same; if you don't understand wot I mean, sir,I des-say I can find them as does.'

'No offence, I hope, Mr. Weller,' said Pell meekly. 'You arethe executor, I see,' he added, casting his eyes over the paper.

'I am, sir,' replied Mr. Weller.

'These other gentlemen, I presume, are legatees, are they?'inquired Pell, with a congratulatory smile.

'Sammy is a leg-at-ease,' replied Mr. Weller; 'these othergen'l'm'n is friends o' mine, just come to see fair; a kind ofumpires.'

'Oh!' said Pell, 'very good. I have no objections, I'm sure. Ishall want a matter of five pound of you before I begin, ha!ha! ha!'

It being decided by the committee that the five pound mightbe advanced, Mr. Weller produced that sum; after which, a longconsultation about nothing particular took place, in the coursewhereof Mr. Pell demonstrated to the perfect satisfaction of thegentlemen who saw fair, that unless the management of thebusiness had been intrusted to him, it must all have gone wrong,for reasons not clearly made out, but no doubt sufficient. Thisimportant point being despatched, Mr. Pell refreshed himselfwith three chops, and liquids both malt and spirituous, at theexpense of the estate; and then they all went away to Doctors' Commons.

The next day there was another visit to Doctors' Commons,and a great to-do with an attesting hostler, who, being inebriated,declined swearing anything but profane oaths, to the greatscandal of a proctor and surrogate. Next week, there were morevisits to Doctors' Commons, and there was a visit to the LegacyDuty Office besides, and there were treaties entered into, for thedisposal of the lease and business, and ratifications of the same,and inventories to be made out, and lunches to be taken, anddinners to be eaten, and so many profitable things to be done,and such a mass of papers accumulated that Mr. Solomon Pell,and the boy, and the blue bag to boot, all got so stout thatscarcely anybody would have known them for the same man,boy, and bag, that had loitered about Portugal Street, a few days before.

At length all these weighty matters being arranged, a day wasfixed for selling out and transferring the stock, and of waitingwith that view upon Wilkins Flasher, Esquire, stock-broker, ofsomewhere near the bank, who had been recommended by Mr.Solomon Pell for the purpose.

It was a kind of festive occasion, and the parties were attiredaccordingly. Mr. Weller's tops were newly cleaned, and his dresswas arranged with peculiar care; the mottled-faced gentlemanwore at his button-hole a full-sized dahlia with several leaves;and the coats of his two friends were adorned with nosegays oflaurel and other evergreens. All three were habited in strictholiday costume; that is to say, they were wrapped up to thechins, and wore as many clothes as possible, which is, and hasbeen, a stage-coachman's idea of full dress ever since stage-coaches were invented.

Mr. Pell was waiting at the usual place of meeting at theappointed time; even he wore a pair of gloves and a clean shirt,much frayed at the collar and wristbands by frequent washings.

'A quarter to two,' said Pell, looking at the parlour clock. 'Ifwe are with Mr. Flasher at a quarter past, we shall just hit thebest time.'

'What should you say to a drop o' beer, gen'l'm'n?' suggestedthe mottled-faced man.'And a little bit o' cold beef,' said the second coachman.

'Or a oyster,' added the third, who was a hoarse gentleman,supported by very round legs.

'Hear, hear!' said Pell; 'to congratulate Mr. Weller, on hiscoming into possession of his property, eh? Ha! ha!'

'I'm quite agreeable, gen'l'm'n,' answered Mr. Weller.'Sammy, pull the bell.'

Sammy complied; and the porter, cold beef, and oysters beingpromptly produced, the lunch was done ample justice to. Whereeverybody took so active a part, it is almost invidious to make adistinction; but if one individual evinced greater powers thananother, it was the coachman with the hoarse voice, who took animperial pint of vinegar with his oysters, without betraying theleast emotion.

'Mr. Pell, Sir,' said the elder Mr. Weller, stirring a glass ofbrandy-and-water, of which one was placed before every gentlemanwhen the oyster shells were removed--'Mr. Pell, Sir, it wosmy intention to have proposed the funs on this occasion, butSamivel has vispered to me--'

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 231101 times

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