'Glad to see you back again, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Howdo you do, Mr. Weller?'

'Wery hearty, thank'ee, sir,' replied the widower; 'hope I seeyou well, sir.'

'Quite, I thank you,' replied Mr. Pickwick.

'I wanted to have a little bit o' conwersation with you, sir,' saidMr. Weller, 'if you could spare me five minits or so, sir.'

'Certainly,' replied Mr. Pickwick. 'Sam, give your father a chair.'

'Thank'ee, Samivel, I've got a cheer here,' said Mr. Weller,bringing one forward as he spoke; 'uncommon fine day it's been,sir,' added the old gentleman, laying his hat on the floor as he sathimself down.

'Remarkably so, indeed,' replied Mr. Pickwick. 'Very seasonable.'

'Seasonablest veather I ever see, sir,' rejoined Mr. Weller.Here, the old gentleman was seized with a violent fit of coughing,which, being terminated, he nodded his head and winked andmade several supplicatory and threatening gestures to his son, allof which Sam Weller steadily abstained from seeing.

Mr. Pickwick, perceiving that there was some embarrassmenton the old gentleman's part, affected to be engaged in cutting theleaves of a book that lay beside him, and waited patiently untilMr. Weller should arrive at the object of his visit.

'I never see sich a aggrawatin' boy as you are, Samivel,' saidMr. Weller, looking indignantly at his son; 'never in all my born days.'

'What is he doing, Mr. Weller?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.

'He von't begin, sir,' rejoined Mr. Weller; 'he knows I ain'tekal to ex-pressin' myself ven there's anythin' partickler tobe done, and yet he'll stand and see me a-settin' here takingup your walable time, and makin' a reg'lar spectacle o' myself,rayther than help me out vith a syllable. It ain't filial conduct,Samivel,' said Mr. Weller, wiping his forehead; 'wery far from it.'

'You said you'd speak,' replied Sam; 'how should I know youwos done up at the wery beginnin'?'

'You might ha' seen I warn't able to start,' rejoined his father;'I'm on the wrong side of the road, and backin' into the palin's,and all manner of unpleasantness, and yet you von't put out ahand to help me. I'm ashamed on you, Samivel.'

'The fact is, Sir,' said Sam, with a slight bow, 'the gov'nor'sbeen a-drawin' his money.'

'Wery good, Samivel, wery good,' said Mr. Weller, noddinghis head with a satisfied air, 'I didn't mean to speak harsh toyou, Sammy. Wery good. That's the vay to begin. Come to thepint at once. Wery good indeed, Samivel.'

Mr. Weller nodded his head an extraordinary number oftimes, in the excess of his gratification, and waited in a listeningattitude for Sam to resume his statement.

'You may sit down, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, apprehending thatthe interview was likely to prove rather longer than he had expected.

Sam bowed again and sat down; his father looking round, hecontinued--

'The gov'nor, sir, has drawn out five hundred and thirty pound.'

'Reduced counsels,' interposed Mr. Weller, senior, in an undertone.

'It don't much matter vether it's reduced counsels, or wot not,'said Sam; 'five hundred and thirty pounds is the sum, ain't it?'

'All right, Samivel,' replied Mr. Weller.

'To vich sum, he has added for the house and bisness--'

'Lease, good-vill, stock, and fixters,' interposed Mr. Weller.

'As much as makes it,' continued Sam, 'altogether, elevenhundred and eighty pound.'

'Indeed!' said Mr. Pickwick. 'I am delighted to hear it. Icongratulate you, Mr. Weller, on having done so well.'

'Vait a minit, Sir,' said Mr. Weller, raising his hand in adeprecatory manner. 'Get on, Samivel.'

'This here money,' said Sam, with a little hesitation, 'he'sanxious to put someveres, vere he knows it'll be safe, and I'mwery anxious too, for if he keeps it, he'll go a-lendin' it to somebody,or inwestin' property in horses, or droppin' his pocket-bookdown an airy, or makin' a Egyptian mummy of his-self insome vay or another.'

'Wery good, Samivel,' observed Mr. Weller, in as complacenta manner as if Sam had been passing the highest eulogiums onhis prudence and foresight. 'Wery good.'

'For vich reasons,' continued Sam, plucking nervously at thebrim of his hat--'for vich reasons, he's drawn it out to-day, andcome here vith me to say, leastvays to offer, or in other vords--'

'To say this here,' said the elder Mr. Weller impatiently, 'thatit ain't o' no use to me. I'm a-goin' to vork a coach reg'lar, andha'n't got noveres to keep it in, unless I vos to pay the guardfor takin' care on it, or to put it in vun o' the coach pockets,vich 'ud be a temptation to the insides. If you'll take care onit for me, sir, I shall be wery much obliged to you. P'raps,' saidMr. Weller, walking up to Mr. Pickwick and whispering in hisear--'p'raps it'll go a little vay towards the expenses o' that'ere conwiction. All I say is, just you keep it till I ask you for itagain.' With these words, Mr. Weller placed the pocket-bookin Mr. Pickwick's hands, caught up his hat, and ran out of the roomwith a celerity scarcely to be expected from so corpulent a subject.

'Stop him, Sam!' exclaimed Mr. Pickwick earnestly. 'Overtakehim; bring him back instantly! Mr. Weller--here--come back!'

Sam saw that his master's injunctions were not to be disobeyed;and, catching his father by the arm as he was descending thestairs, dragged him back by main force.

'My good friend,' said Mr. Pickwick, taking the old man bythe hand, 'your honest confidence overpowers me.'

'I don't see no occasion for nothin' o' the kind, Sir,' repliedMr. Weller obstinately.

'I assure you, my good friend, I have more money than I canever need; far more than a man at my age can ever live to spend,'said Mr. Pickwick.

'No man knows how much he can spend, till he tries,' observedMr. Weller.

'Perhaps not,' replied Mr. Pickwick; 'but as I have no intentionof trying any such experiments, I am not likely to come to want.I must beg you to take this back, Mr. Weller.''Wery well,' said Mr. Weller, with a discontented look. 'Markmy vords, Sammy, I'll do somethin' desperate vith this hereproperty; somethin' desperate!'

'You'd better not,' replied Sam.

Mr. Weller reflected for a short time, and then, buttoning uphis coat with great determination, said--

'I'll keep a pike.'

'Wot!' exclaimed Sam.

'A pike!' rejoined Mr. Weller, through his set teeth; 'I'll keepa pike. Say good-bye to your father, Samivel. I dewote theremainder of my days to a pike.'

This threat was such an awful one, and Mr. Weller, besidesappearing fully resolved to carry it into execution, seemed sodeeply mortified by Mr. Pickwick's refusal, that that gentleman,after a short reflection, said--

'Well, well, Mr. Weller, I will keep your money. I can do moregood with it, perhaps, than you can.'

'Just the wery thing, to be sure,' said Mr. Weller, brighteningup; 'o' course you can, sir.'

'Say no more about it,' said Mr. Pickwick, locking the pocket-book in his desk; 'I am heartily obliged to you, my good friend.Now sit down again. I want to ask your advice.'

The internal laughter occasioned by the triumphant success ofhis visit, which had convulsed not only Mr. Weller's face, buthis arms, legs, and body also, during the locking up of the pocket-book, suddenly gave place to the most dignified gravity as heheard these words.

'Wait outside a few minutes, Sam, will you?' said Mr. Pickwick.

Sam immediately withdrew.

Mr. Weller looked uncommonly wise and very much amazed,when Mr. Pickwick opened the discourse by saying--

'You are not an advocate for matrimony, I think, Mr. Weller?'

Mr. Weller shook his head. He was wholly unable to speak;vague thoughts of some wicked widow having been successful inher designs on Mr. Pickwick, choked his utterance.

'Did you happen to see a young girl downstairs when you camein just now with your son?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.

'Yes. I see a young gal,' replied Mr. Weller shortly.

'What did you think of her, now? Candidly, Mr. Weller,what did you think of her?'

'I thought she wos wery plump, and vell made,' said Mr.Weller, with a critical air.

'So she is,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'so she is. What did you thinkof her manners, from what you saw of her?'

'Wery pleasant,' rejoined Mr. Weller. 'Wery pleasant andcomformable.'

The precise meaning which Mr. Weller attached to this last-mentioned adjective, did not appear; but, as it was evident fromthe tone in which he used it that it was a favourable expression,Mr. Pickwick was as well satisfied as if he had been thoroughlyenlightened on the subject.

'I take a great interest in her, Mr. Weller,' said Mr. Pickwick.

Mr. Weller coughed.

'I mean an interest in her doing well,' resumed Mr. Pickwick;'a desire that she may be comfortable and prosperous. You understand?'

'Wery clearly,' replied Mr. Weller, who understood nothing yet.

'That young person,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'is attached to your son.'

'To Samivel Veller!' exclaimed the parent.

'Yes,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'It's nat'ral,' said Mr. Weller, after some consideration,'nat'ral, but rayther alarmin'. Sammy must be careful.'

'How do you mean?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.

'Wery careful that he don't say nothin' to her,' respondedMr. Weller. 'Wery careful that he ain't led avay, in a innocentmoment, to say anythin' as may lead to a conwiction for breach.You're never safe vith 'em, Mr. Pickwick, ven they vunce hasdesigns on you; there's no knowin' vere to have 'em; and vileyou're a-considering of it, they have you. I wos married fust, thatvay myself, Sir, and Sammy wos the consekens o' the manoover.'

'You give me no great encouragement to conclude what I haveto say,' observed Mr. Pickwick, 'but I had better do so at once.This young person is not only attached to your son, Mr. Weller,but your son is attached to her.'

'Vell,' said Mr. Weller, 'this here's a pretty sort o' thing tocome to a father's ears, this is!'

'I have observed them on several occasions,' said Mr. Pickwick,making no comment on Mr. Weller's last remark; 'and entertainno doubt at all about it. Supposing I were desirous of establishingthem comfortably as man and wife in some little business orsituation, where they might hope to obtain a decent living, whatshould you think of it, Mr. Weller?'

At first, Mr. Weller received with wry faces a propositioninvolving the marriage of anybody in whom he took an interest;but, as Mr. Pickwick argued the point with him, and laid greatstress on the fact that Mary was not a widow, he gradually becamemore tractable. Mr. Pickwick had great influence over him, andhe had been much struck with Mary's appearance; having, infact, bestowed several very unfatherly winks upon her, already.At length he said that it was not for him to oppose Mr. Pickwick'sinclination, and that he would be very happy to yield to hisadvice; upon which, Mr. Pickwick joyfully took him at his word,and called Sam back into the room.

'Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, clearing his throat, 'your father andI have been having some conversation about you.'

'About you, Samivel,' said Mr. Weller, in a patronising andimpressive voice.

'I am not so blind, Sam, as not to have seen, a long time since,that you entertain something more than a friendly feelingtowards Mrs. Winkle's maid,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'You hear this, Samivel?' said Mr. Weller, in the same judicialform of speech as before.

'I hope, Sir,' said Sam, addressing his master, 'I hope there'sno harm in a young man takin' notice of a young 'ooman as isundeniably good-looking and well-conducted.'

'Certainly not,' said Mr. Pickwick.

'Not by no means,' acquiesced Mr. Weller, affably but magisterially.

'So far from thinking there is anything wrong in conduct sonatural,' resumed Mr. Pickwick, 'it is my wish to assist andpromote your wishes in this respect. With this view, I have hada little conversation with your father; and finding that he is ofmy opinion--'

'The lady not bein' a widder,' interposed Mr. Weller in explanation.

'The lady not being a widow,' said Mr. Pickwick, smiling. 'Iwish to free you from the restraint which your present positionimposes upon you, and to mark my sense of your fidelity andmany excellent qualities, by enabling you to marry this girl atonce, and to earn an independent livelihood for yourself andfamily. I shall be proud, Sam,' said Mr. Pickwick, whose voicehad faltered a little hitherto, but now resumed its customary tone,'proud and happy to make your future prospects in life mygrateful and peculiar care.'

There was a profound silence for a short time, and then Samsaid, in a low, husky sort of voice, but firmly withal--

'I'm very much obliged to you for your goodness, Sir, as isonly like yourself; but it can't be done.'

'Can't be done!' ejaculated Mr. Pickwick in astonishment.

'Samivel!' said Mr. Weller, with dignity.

'I say it can't be done,' repeated Sam in a louder key. 'Wot'sto become of you, Sir?'

Title: The Pickwick Papers
Author: Charles Dickens
Viewed 231095 times

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